How to cook a pervert
by Needmoreanime
Summary: Some demonstrations on how some people in hetalia will cook a pervert! Bad summary. Please read!
1. Chapter 1

Hi! (Starts dodging sharp objects that are thrown at me) Wait! I! Can! Explain! (Gets bashed in the head with a frying pan) ARGH! I'm sorry! I had writer's block and had no idea what to write. I just threw together this cracky oneshot! Please don't kill me!

* * *

"Velcome everyone! I'm Hungary and this is how to cook a pervert! The items you vill need are

A blunt veapon

Something sharp

An oven

Some explosives

One pervert

"Now let's begin!" Hungary pulled out a frying pan, a machete, a lot of dynamite and of course, Prussia. Prussia was gagged and tied up.

"First, you take your pervert and vhack him or her senseless with your blunt veapon!" Hungary pulled out the frying pan and started beating up Prussia.

**Half an Hour later**

Prussia has been knocked out after repeated mashings to the head.

"After you have tenderized the pervert enough, take the knife and start cutting." Hungary took the machete and

**This scene has been censored for the sake of everyone's sanity**

In front of Hungary now was a censored mess of something, to put it in a nice way and not in a graphic way.

"Now you put the mess into a cooking pan, fill it vith explosives and put it the oven." Hungary pulled out a huge cooking pan, put the mess of Prussia into the pan and then covered him with dynamite and even put in one of those huge fireworks that they shoot on the Fourth of July in America.

"Turn the oven to as high as you can, shove in the pervert and quickly evacuate the house. Perhaps you may vant to this in an abandoned house or someone else's house." Hungary quickly shoved the pan into the oven and ran out of the house which just so happened to be Prussia's house.

"5,4,3,2,1."

**KABOOOOOOOMMMMMM!**

The house was up in flames and out popped the pan that Prussia was in, all nice and toasted.

"And that is how you go and cook a pervert. Until next time!"

**At Germany's House**

"Hungary, vhat is this thing that you are giving to me." Germany said, looking at the burnt mess of Prussia that was barely recognizable.

"Your bruder. Bye!" Hungary quickly shoved the scalding pan into Germany's hands and fled.

"Mein Gott! She sure knows how to deal vith you, bruder."

"S-s-shut up, Vest."

* * *

There! I told you it was really cracky! So, R&R and I will see if I can make anymore humor


	2. Chapter 2 Seychelles and France

Hi! I was thinking this would be just a one shot, but then I came up with another idea, so here it is! It's the some basic format as the last chapter, but with some changes.

* * *

"Welcome everyone! I'm Seychelles and this is how to cook a pervert! The items you will need are

A blunt weapon

ketchup

A lot of chili peppers

Some stinky cheese

England's scones

An oven

Some explosives

One pervert

"Now let's begin!" Seychelles pulled out a swordfish, ketchup, chili peppers, Pont l'Eveque (a very stinky cheese), a lot of fireworks and of course, France. Oh and some of England's lovely scones. France was gagged and tied up.

"First, you take your pervert and whack him or her senseless with your blunt weapon!" Seychelles took the swordfish and started beating up France.

**Half an Hour later**

France has been knocked out after repeated mashings to the head.

"After you have tenderized the pervert enough, start stuffing it with the peppers, stinky cheese and maybe some of England's scones." Seychelles then opened France's mouth, stuffed it with chili peppers, and England's scones. She then covered France with the Pont l'Eveque, and rubbed some of the chili peppers in his eyes. France then woke up from immense pain

"AHH! Hot! Hot! Non! Not my beautiful face! Is this England's terrible scones? *Retch* And what is that horrible smell?" WHAM! France got knocked unconscious by Seychelles' swordfish

"After you finish stuffing the pervert, put him into a cooking pan, fill it with explosives and put it the oven." Seychelles pulled out a huge cooking pan, put France into the pan and then covered him with firecrackers and fireworks.

"Turn the oven to as high as you can, shove in the pervert and quickly evacuate the house. Perhaps you may want to this in an abandoned house or someone else's house." Hungary quickly shoved the pan into the oven and ran out of the house which just so happened to be France's house.

"5,4,3,2,1."

**KABOOOOOOOMMMMMM!**

The house was up in flames and out popped the pan that France was in, all nice and toasted, and you could definitely smell it with the peppers, cheese and scones.

"And that is how you go and cook a pervert. Until next time!"

**At England's House**

"Bloody Hell! Seychelles! What is this mess!" England yelled, looking at France

"It's France, care for some blackmail photos?" Seychelles handed England a camera

"Ha! Serves you right, you bloody frog!" England says as he starts taking pictures

"S-s-shut up, y-y-you delinquent."

* * *

Well, was it funny? Stupid? Completely terrible? Tell me how it was by clicking on the review section!


End file.
